New Years; New Fears

Hey! How are you?

What a year 2024 was, right?! I am still in awe at how quickly it began and ended. I still feel like I am only coming to terms with January 2024!

I'm relatively happy about the year, but the last quarter, was something else– honestly, a crash-out, if you will.

But here I am again! Staring down the late 20’s, at the start of another year of great potential right?

I’ve spent the last week thinking about all the things I aimed to do, but never got around to doing in 2024.

Maybe the reason I did not engage, was that I didn’t manifest hard enough? Or maybe I never spoke it into being? Or I suppose, I just wasn’t specific or accountable enough.

Anyway, to test this hypothesis and maintain some sort of seriousness and accountability, here’s a list of ways I WILL make the most of the 360 days left of the year:

 

REBUILD and MAINTAIN RELATIONSHIPS

For the last, however long, I have, unfortunately, unmet a lot of people. 

I find that between work and a lot of other things I do in my spare time, I feel like I don’t have the drive or time to invest in relationships and communities.

And it feels terrible to admit.

Unfortunately, before I had fully realised this, it had been too long since seeing or hearing from people that I just didn’t bother.

However, in a stroke of fortune, I had the chance to meet new friends and catch up with a handful of old ones. 

The spirit of friendship is reinvigorated!

I sometimes forget just how good for the soul –specific –company can be.

So, unfortunately, if we’ve been good friends, I hope you’re ready to be hearing a lot more from me.

 

BUILD a(n interest based) COMMUNITY

In February last year, I volunteered some time to help out an organization. Unfortunately, by about April, I felt that work was getting busy, and that, along with my lack of motivation and discipline saw me stop.

Tapping into the emotions and reading over journal notes of the time, I can remember understanding a few things:

• Strong communities require time and resources, but are undoubtedly built through respect, service, and exchange.
• You gain a better sense of connection to others, through the effort of building meaningful relationships.
• The compounding feeling of paying it forward, can be great for your mental health, well-being and sense of self*.

*Note: an interesting discussion point is that the feeling of empathy and the act of helping through some hypotheses is self-serving, that through emotional mirroring, the need and want to provide help is a response to your internal distress. In essence this means that you only help so that you are emotionally comfortable again. So, I put this to you: is volunteering selfless or selfish?

In a post pandemic world, a lot of people have come to realise the effects of isolation and the many ways it can lead to negative outcomes. 

While we have moved on from the pandemic, it has highlighted the importance of having strong communities. 

**If you’re reading this, and are in the NT, Friends and I have started a Book Club! The first book we are reading is ‘The Alchemist’ by Paulo Coelho, and we will be meeting at an undecided location on the 02/02 to discuss the first half of the book**.

 

UNDERSTAND AND DEVELOP THE SELF and DEVELOP BETTER HABITS

I believe that I am pretty in tune with who I am. 

But while I say this, I also did learn last year that the ability to intellectualise the self and my emotions is a terrible habit.. This means that I can recognise, but not meaningfully act on changing areas I believe are not self-serving. I think a little worse than being completely unaware. 

So...the game is analysis, and effective action.

It’s time to feel and work through the emotions rather than just think about them!

I have also noted the following habits, and actions as being imperative to great change:

• Quit vaping:  Uh, did someone say Oral Fixation? Three years too long if you ask me. I'm substituting with lollipops. AND I assure you: I am not in denial.
• Become more proactive: I've never really been able to plan ahead adopting a more day by day approach. I think it can be, and is very helpful at times, but -believe me- the associated stress is not worth it. 
• Stop paying for food: I have started shoplifting. It was very easy over the last few years to maintain the habit of using apps or buying meals. In both an attempt to maintain and develop cooking skills, I am hopeful that I can take out a lot of the hassle of cooking by meal prepping for the week.

**Another segue, but I started to find it unbelievably uneconomical to shop for and cook a wide range of meals for myself. Between food going off, and losing interest in leftovers I was thinking that for variety’s sake, it’d be good to bulk cook a recipe, and exchange with other people. I think the idea has merit; I might just need a group to experiment with! **

 

JOURNAL MORE and EMBRACE CREATIVITY

I have a bunch of hobbies, and crazily enough a lot of them intersect in creative and somewhat theoretical ways.

For instance, consider colour theory between photography and design, or the careful consideration of words to paint themes in prose, and poetry, or the consideration of all the above to understand and deconstruct the main characters journey in film.

I find that a lot of interesting ideas hit you in weird spots.

In fact, I thought about this post after leaving Bunnings today.

Fortunately, I had a notepad to record, and review. 

Taking the thought and fleshing it out was a soothing benefit. 

I’ve had journals on and off for the last four years, and understand the importance of engaging in mindfulness, however my own inability to focus and plan time finds positive habits like journaling become afterthoughts. 

I realise that to gain any benefit and insight to the self I have to become consistent in routines and behaviours that serve personal development goals.  

 

STOP COMMITING TO THINGS I KNOW I WON’T DO or ENJOY

I think a defining point of last year was, in ways, my inability to say no to people.

While I appreciate invites, plans and exposure to new things, I find that if I have to think about it, and you put me on the spot, I’m definitely saying yes against my will to get out of that uncomfortable situation.

I’ll then spend the time after trying to figure out ways to back out without disappointing anyone.

Sorry, but sometimes other pursuits take priority.

 

EXPLORE MORE OF THE NORTHERN TERRITORY

Over the last two years, I have spent a fair amount of time travelling the Stuart Highway.

Last year the opportunity to move presented itself, and for some reason I was pretty apprehensive about whether it was worth it. 

I think the biggest thing that came to mind having learnt about the opportunity was the adventures, stories and (urgh look at me) friends I would miss out on.

While there are some beautiful, and many safe(er?) places outside of the Northern Territory, in a weird way, they aren't the same.

I’m not going to pretend that the NT is amazing, but one thing you cant knock is it's charm.

I’ve been told about secret beaches, and hidden views, I suppose if the spirits will it, maybe I’ll stumble upon them.

There is a lot that I have seen, but there is still a lot more that I would like to see.

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I am stoked that you’ve made it this far, or even considered reading, and for those that don’t know me I am pleased to make your acquaintance.

These are some of my greater resolutions, and surprisingly, my first blog post.

I’ve spent the last eight years trying and losing interest in the writing because failure felt inevitable, and failing was scary.

By having these on the web, and I suppose in the universe, I am a bit more hopeful and motivated to continue cultivating this garden.

I think that, if anything, now that my frontal cortex is completely developed, I’ve reevaluated my thoughts and have come to see failure as a process of relearning and an opportunity to be better.  

So yeah, here’s to trying and failing in 2025.

 ~M~