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Solitude, Loneliness, and the potential to create a masterpiece.


In the early days of the technological revolution, that I can remember –think early 2000’s to early 2010’s– I don’t think it dawned on me how intertwined and connected society would become. Recently it has become even more surprising considering how quickly it continues to happen. 

From the increasing development and use of AI, to the rolling back of fact checking, to the constant updates on the decline of the American empire, to the emigration of Americans from TikTok to Rednote and the collective realisation that the US propaganda machine has dropped its facade in a 'pay no attention to the man behind the curtain' way. 

We seem to be living in a very late pre-dystopian world, almost reminiscent of Black Mirror if Black Mirror was as bizarre. 

IF you haven't already, Black Mirror is a great watch if you’re interested in speculative sci-fi and quite scarily an accurate interpretation of the merging of the real and digital worlds. Consider watching ‘Men against Fire’ and relating it to the portrayal of the other (Palestinians, Immigrants, Blacks) and the vitriol whipped up in discussions of.

The shift to a global and connected society has brought the expectation that everyone is reachable, always. While it might not seem so, implicitly having a phone or social media loses you the freedom of true isolation. 

While I acknowledge that humans are social creatures that have survived through varied and constant forms of social collaboration, the art and importance of being alone, is lost. While this may seem like an attack on the social being, it is everything but. In a world that requires you to be tuned in and contactable, there is revolutionary angst in embracing solitude. 

It would be incorrect to conflate loneliness with being alone. In fact, Poet and Author May Sarton provides a distinction in an almost throwaway line in her book ‘Mrs. Stevens Hears the Mermaids Singing’ where the titled character mentions that “Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.” 

There is an expressive difference between being alone, feeling lonely and solitude. While they may appear synonymous, the distinction is that being alone can simply be the state of, whereas the feeling of loneliness is a subjective state of disconnection. Solitude, however, ‘the richness of self’, it is being alone without being lonely: a conscious decision to engage with the self in a constructive and reflective way that affords you the chance to understand and eventually become your best self.

Now, it might not be comfortable being alone; there seems to be an odd stigma about it. 

Maybe it’s the fear of being perceived as lonely? Or the collective and subconscious idea that there is something wrong with those that are alone. 

But why? 

I think that answering this question might be equally as important as knowing the importance of solitude. We probably need to take an introspective journey to understand how our thoughts and experiences inform the belief.

As mentioned, there is a defined distinction from positive (solitude) and negative (lonely) aloneness. We have our own ideas on loneliness, and what it is, and it can be quite subjective. For some it is the absence of some interpersonal aspect; for others it is the space between a desired and actual reality.

If you subscribe to theories of humanist psychology theories like Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs or Carl Rogers’ Theory of Incongruence attribute behaviours as results of the strive to and through self-actualisation, that is, towards peak potential. However to reach this potential you are required to satisfy the perceived deficit in lower levels to progress. 

Incongruence is the idea that the held perception of self does not align with the ideal self, and that being outside of the scope of the ‘ideal’ is emotionally distressing as well as unconducive to the ultimate goal of self-actualisation.

In whichever case, the incongruity is where the inner crisis occurs. 

It is human to strive for and seek connection. In a time where we are both so interconnected, and so unconnected–a la loneliness epidemic– it is almost imperative to wellness. 

While I understand why and how people feel disconnected and unfulfilled by their relationships–or quite literally the lack of– it is difficult to comprehend the weight of the idea of loneliness when alone, especially when you come to understand and consider the self as a being worthy of time and acceptance. 

We often don’t know ourselves enough to be comfortable with the aloneness, but at the end of the day, all you have is yourself. You're important. 

If you don’t have –subjectively– good company, why subject yourself to an interpersonal grift? 

I’d argue that it is at this point that you get the chance to experience a great morphosis. 

Perhaps instead of extending your search outwards, you step back and into the self. That you begin treating the self as a friend that you would like to know. 

Scary? Yes. Deeply involved? Also yes. 

It isn’t an easy experience, but embracing solitude, is anything but being lonely. 

I would go as far as saying it is a transcendental. 

Where we have a constant digital connection, and access to generations of information, it can be easy to feel dissatisfied. We are constantly bombarded by the issues of the world, and others that it can become easy to lose touch with our own ideas of what is important. Solitude affords us the time to stop and analyse how we feel and really understand what is important to US.

We’ve come to understand the distinction between solitude and loneliness: that the active effort of disconnecting from the outer world, and reconnecting with our inner world allows us a greater understanding of the self. 

Look at it as exercise in stoicism–the philosophy of the practical application of wisdom to living well.

After all, it is Marcus Aurelius, the Philosopher King and author of – quite literally his journal– ‘Meditations’ that mentions ‘It is in your power to withdraw yourself whenever you desire. Perfect tranquility within consists in the good ordering of the mind, the realm of your own.’ 

Now, stoicism is not the only way to approach this, however it seems the most easy to understand when trying to ‘conquer the self’– that is if you can look past the philosophical dogma and structure that some criticise. 

As a popular book, Meditations is often recommended among texts for an intro to stoicism–in fact you could probably find many quotes, and scenarios within the stoic schema– that can essentially be broken down into the contextual box of: mastery of the self, is mastery of life. 

Looking at your inner world, is a great adventure. 

It is mindful, and it is spiritual. 

You are allowed to reflect and–again– understand the self. 

An opportunity to get to know YOU. 

In a world that depicts the highest level of being as excitement, and energy, the idea of aloneness is shunned. Solitude is wrangled in with loneliness. There is no nuance. There is no distinction. If the anxiety of being alone intimidates, I then ask you how that effectively translate into ability when socialising? I’d argue that it doesn’t. I think it was Jean-Paul Sartre who mentions that if you feel lonely when you’re alone, then you’re in bad company. 

Being able to conquer the self should be of great personal significance. 

Naturalist, and Philosopher, Henry David Thoreau in ‘Walden’ (1854), spends a chapter discussing solitude. He alludes, and metaphorically discusses the importance of and perceived benefits of embracing solitude. Towards the end of the chapter Thoreau uses the metaphorical figures of the Farmer and ‘diligent’ Student, contrasting their toil. 

He mentions that the farmers is not lonely in a field because he is employed and derives meaning from his work, he goes home however and cannot bear being with himself. He does not understand how the student can feel the same fulfilment despite having spent the same time (and more) physically ‘alone’. 

The punchline here is that solitude is not the space, but meaning derived from work, which for the student is continuous, noting ‘A man thinking or working is always alone, let him be where he will. Solitude is not measured by the miles of space that intervene between a man and his fellows.’ 

If we adopt a studious disposition towards solitude being constant work on developing the self, can we ever really feel that we are lonely? I’d like to think not. I do understand however, that the change can’t be instantaneous. It may be awkward. It may be confronting. But knowing the self, understanding likes, and dislikes, exploring thoughts and emotions, acknowledging strengths and weaknesses are worthy of an effort.  

But how can we work through these? Well, I’m glad you’re here, and that you’ve stuck around. We’ve discussed and I’m quite happy to say that the root of the solution is self-connection.

Honestly, you don’t even need to spend exorbitant amounts of time learning to connect with the self.

Solitude can simply begin with taking time out for a simple five-minutes of meditation.

 I have used the headspace app, and it works wonders –however I’m not so stoked on the pay to play aspect (I suppose that’s on capitalism huh). 

I use this YouTube video regularly as a way to come back to centre. I have found that it is quick and it calms the mind. You go from experiencing the world, to focusing on the sounds, to feeling the sensations in your body, to finally actively being aware of your breathing.

The focusing brings your mind to the present moment and affords you self-awareness that makes you feel metaphorically lighter. 

Another way that has the same effect is journaling. 

Although it can be a bit more time consuming, the self-reflection and awareness of self can be addictive. You could easily just allow your consciousness to flow, or follow prompts, it’s easy to start, and it is truly up to you. 

Consider entries as letters to your future self: a collection and review of inevitable growth. 

I have had collections of journals that I have used to record –essentially download–the daily moments of chaos and boredom, as well as how I have felt through them. Like meditation, I feel as though it leaves me feeling mentally lighter, that the issues are moved from my mind onto a page. That I am distanced and thus excluded from it. It gives me the mental clarity and room to process emotions and cultivate a feeling of appreciation for the self. 

Stepping out of the deeply personal sphere, it is also important to do things by and for yourself. 

There is a liberation that comes from not being afraid to experience life independently. There is no need to compromise on the experience. Eat at the restaurant you’ve been wanting to try, go to the movies, to a museum, a gallery even. Take up and engorge yourself in a hobby. Do it all. At the end of the day all you truly have is yourself. 

There is such finite time in the world to do everything, so why not prioritise the only person that truly matters? 

~M~

Loneliness is a personal, and terribly real and unbelievably common thing. I cant say or imagine that everyone has the same idea, approach or skills to deal with aloneness in the same way. Loneliness does not discriminate and if you feel as though you are affected, I would highly support, suggest and recommend that you reach out and talk to someone, even professionals: 



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